


Say Something

by TheEmcee



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Complete, Declarations Of Love, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Drama, Forbidden Love, Hurt/Comfort, Incest, Long, Long Shot, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Male Slash, No Sex, No Smut, Not Beta Read, Sibling Incest, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-03
Updated: 2015-04-03
Packaged: 2018-03-21 01:46:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3672915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheEmcee/pseuds/TheEmcee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gilbert's entire world is turned upside down when he confesses his love to his brother, Ludwig. Things go from bad to worse and Gilbert leaves, knowing that being away from his brother and his love would destroy him, but thinking it's for the best. Was his decision to leave right? And what will it mean for the two brothers?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Say Something

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing
> 
> A/N (2/15/15): I've been really into Germancest lately, to the point where it's slowly becoming my favorite Hetalia ship and I am so not sorry. Germany and Prussia are hot together and I wanted to write a story with feels in it, so, let’s hopes and pray I did just that. Please feel free to leave a comment in the towel section. Also, I didn't proof read this or anything, so if you see a mistake or an error, please let me know and I will fix it right away. R&R. Enjoy!
> 
> A/N2: (4/3/15): I’m sorry for any mistakes or anything like that. If you see any, just let me know and I will correct them ASAP! Thank you for reading!

~...~

Say Something

~...~

 

Gilbert had never been one to really take a liking to anybody. It wasn't that he didn't see attractive people; there were attractive people all around him in the city where he lived and worked. However, he didn't feel that attraction, that pull, that nudge in anyone's direction to pursue a relationship. And it wasn't that he didn't get along with people very well; he did. Granted, his antics garnered him with a reputation of being kind of annoying, but he was still pretty well liked by everyone in the office and outside of it. He was a pretty normal guy, he went to work, went to the gym, hung out with his friends, and did stuff people usually did. There just wasn't anyone out there that he was interested in.

The only person Gilbert really felt any strong connection to what Ludwig, his younger brother (though many thought that he was the oldest due to how different his personality was compared to Gilbert's). 

Ludwig had always been Gilbert's favorite person. He was almost as awesome - but not quite as awesome - as Gilbert. They may have been a year apart, but when they were children, they were inseparable. When they were teenagers, they still very close. And even now, they were close. Ludwig was Gilbert's best friend, the one who know absolutely every single teeny tiny thing about him, and he loved him unconditionally. He was the only one who could rein Gilbert in when he got out of hand and he was all Gilbert had left.

When their parents had died, when Gilbert had just graduated high school at eighteen and with Ludwig only seventeen and with a year of school left, he had taken it upon himself to look after Ludwig in every way he could, even going as far as working four jobs at once - not an easy feat. Yes, Gilbert knew he could never replace their parents nor had he been trying; he just wanted to make sure that Ludwig was okay. He let him spread his wings - not that Ludwig every really did anything except study and work out - but when Gilbert thought he need help or was in trouble, he was there. Overprotective, Ludwig had called him that plenty of times and still did even now. 

Gilbert couldn't help it; it was natural to him, looking out for Ludwig. After all, Ludwig was all he had left. He was everything and he meant everything to Gilbert. That was just how it was, ever since before he could even remember. It was something that had been with him since the day Ludwig was born and it would always be there, until Gilbert took his last breath. 

If there was anyone Gilbert was attached too on such a soul deep level, it would be Ludwig.

 

~...~

 

"Oh, Gilbert, there you are," Elizabeta's voice came from behind him. Gilbert took up, cup of coffee in hand, and grinned at one of his closest friends.

"Yeah, I'm here. You are all just so lame, so I feel obligated to be here with my awesomeness even when I'm just getting over the flu," Gilbert greeted her. She rolled her eyes and smiled at him. They'd been like this for years, ever since Gilbert split milk on her in the seventh grade - purely accidental, by the way - and it was just how they were. Giving his friends a hard time was how Gilbert showed his love and affection.

"We were all getting along just fine without you," Elizabeta said. That was why Gilbert and she got along so well; they could say anything to each other and neither one of them would get offended - unless it was something really, really bad.

"Uh huh. Sure. No need to lie to me. I can see the desperation in your eyes," Gilbert smirked and then looked down at the files in her hands. "What's that?"

"The new reports that came out this morning while you were making out with the coffee machine. There are others on your desk from when you were out," Elizabeta told him. "You'd better get them down before noon or else the boss will have your head on a silver platter."

"My head would put that platter to shame," Gilbert said as he took the files from her. He took a sip of his coffee as he skimmed the contents before he look up and saw his friends staring at him with a slightly concerned expression on her face.

"What?" he said and took another sip.

"Gilbert, why haven't you tried dating anyone yet?" Elizabeta asked him out of nowhere. He almost choked on his coffee, but that would have made him look lame as hell. Still, he had to say that that wasn't something he had expected.

"No one's caught my eye yet. That's all," he replied. "I have to find someone who can match my level of awesome after all. It's hard work."  
"I'm sure it is," Elizabeta mumbled softly, still looking at him as though she was Professor Trelawney from 'Harry Potter'. 

"Anyway, are you and Roderick still coming out to the movies with Lutz and me Saturday? Ludwig read a few reviews and he said that it looked promising," Gilbert said. "And we could go for wings before or after, even though Roderick doesn't like them very much. That's part of the reason why he's so lame."

“Yes, we’re still coming,” Elizabeta scrutinized him more and it was starting to make him a bit nervous. Gilbert didn’t like that.

“You know, Gilbert, whenever you’re ready to…get it off your chest, Roderick and I will be here for you,” Elizabeta told him after a few minutes of uncomfortable scrutiny. Gilbert blinked at her, perplexed.

“What the hell are you talking about?” he asked her. The look she gave him was full of sympathy and understanding. 

“I just wanted you to know that whatever happens between you and Ludwig, we’ll support you both,” she said in response. “And we’ll be sure to tell anyone who gets too nosy to mind their own business too!” She left Gilbert standing there with his coffee in one hand and with files in the other, as confused and bewildered as ever.

 

~…~

It took Gilbert a long time to figure out what Elizabeta had meant. Honestly, he had probably already known it himself, but he had just been denying it or brushing it off or flat out lying to himself. And, of course, when he figured it out, he was shaving. Naturally, before going into work, or even on weekends when he didn’t work, Gilbert woke up, showered, shaved, and then had breakfast. That was his routine and it was unbreakable. While he was getting ready to shave, Ludwig had knocked on the door tentatively – shy as always, a habit he hadn’t left behind in childhood – and had told him that breakfast would be ready in five and not to forget that they were going to the gym this afternoon.

After calling out to him, Gilbert continued with his routine, all the while thinking about his brother, his Ludwig. What would he do without him? Although he was the older one, Ludwig had always seemed to be taking more care of him than vice versa, and it seemed as though that was especially the case nowadays. When he had gotten his nice, cushiony job, Ludwig had saved up money to buy the house they lived in, his house, and had naturally brought his big brother along with him. Even now, with both of them in their twenties, they spent a lot of their time together, went almost everywhere together, did everything together, and that was perfect. Absolutely perfect because Gilbert didn’t want or need to spend so much time with anyone but Ludwig.

Aside from that, Ludwig took care of him when he was sick – not that that happened often – and Gilbert in turn did the same. They shopped for groceries together, made breakfast, lunch, and dinner for each other. Shared the chores. If something needed worked on, they both did it together. Life was pretty much perfect for him. Hell, he could be living in a cardboard box for all he cared, really, as long as he had his Lutz with him, his strong, handsome, beautiful, endearing…

And that was when it hit him, like a ton of bricks.

Gilbert was in love with Ludwig, his own brother.

Dropping the razor, Gilbert gazed at his wide eyed face in the bathroom mirror. Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no. This…this could not be happening. It just…couldn’t! 

Well, apparently, it was, whether he wanted it to or not. And it had happened naturally too, it seemed. He and Ludwig just fit together like two peas in a pod, like light and darkness, high and low, west and east and... 

And he couldn’t do this to Ludwig.

His younger brother had been through enough. He hardly took any time off and he worked himself to the bone as he always worried about one thing or another. Gilbert couldn’t add something like this, something so…life changing, on his already heavily burdened shoulders. While he knew that he hadn’t always been the best brother he could be, Gilbert could at least do this for him. Ludwig had always meant the world to him and he had always protected him. This would be no different.

Whatever it took, he would protect Ludwig. That was one promise he would never break.

He finished shaving and cleaned himself up. After dressing, Gilbert took a big breath and opened the door. His heart was pounding and he knew that his face was red. But he couldn’t help that! It’s not like he wanted to be uncool like this. Hell, it’s not like he asked for any of this.

This was going to be an awkward breakfast. Gilbert sighed and ran a hand through his awesome white hair. How was he ever going to hide this from Ludwig? Would that even be possible? His brother knew him better than anybody else, even himself. Ludwig would know something was wrong, maybe not right away, but he definitely wasn’t stupid. He would figure out that something was up and when he did, he’d ask Gilbert about it. And then what? 

What would Gilbert do when that happened? Shrug it off? Maybe. Deny it? Possibly. Make up some other excuse that may or may not work? Perhaps. Would any of that work? He didn’t know. Ludwig was smart and he had known Gilbert his whole life. But it was worth a shot. Besides, he was still trying to wrap his head around it. Gilbert figured he was taking this sudden realization so well because he was in some sort of shock. 

“Gilbert!”

Ludwig called his name. Breakfast was ready. It was now or never. If he couldn’t do this, this simple, ordinary, average breakfast with his brother, then he’d never be able to be around him.

 

~…~

 

Ludwig wasn’t sure what was wrong; he just knew that something was wrong.

Gilbert hadn’t been acting like himself for a little over two weeks – two weeks and three days to be precise. It worried him. Before he could even remember, Gilbert had been there. He was the one constant that had remained with him throughout his entire life. Not even their parents compared (not that they were bad parents, they weren’t, but they were gone and Gilbert wasn’t). And they had always been close, so much so that it was as though they were the same person almost. They balanced each other out so perfectly that even if something was the teeniest bit off, he would know, would feel it.

Something was off.

That much was obvious. Gilbert hadn’t been as talkative, as sociable, as happy, as he normally was. He had smiled a real smile for the past two weeks. And he seemed distracted, not all there. Ludwig wasn’t sure what was going on and whenever he would ask, Gilbert would shrug it off or tell him that it was nothing, he was just tired or something to that effect. But those were lies, he knew, yet he let it slid because Gilbert was his brother and there was no one who could ever replace him.

However, that didn’t mean that it wasn’t getting to him. It was odd, this odd behavior that Gilbert was displaying. And the fact that his older brother hadn’t told him what was wrong, didn’t trust him enough to do so, bothered him far more than anything else. What was so bad that Gilbert couldn’t talk to him about it? Ludwig didn’t know, but he was going to find out.

 

~…~

 

Gilbert had been having one awful time trying to keep his feelings under wraps. It was hard, the hardest thing he’d ever had to do, but he was managing it. Just as he thought, Ludwig had noticed something was wrong and had asked him about it several times, but he had managed to avoid spilling his guts. There had been a few close calls, but he had remained strong and had kept his mouth shut for once.

His silence was only making things worse on him.

He couldn’t concentrate, not really and not on anything. His appetite wasn’t what it used to be; he kept going over how Ludwig might react if he found out just what exactly was wrong with him, none of which were preferable. Being around him as awful; all he wanted to do was press his body against Ludwig’s, cuddle with him, sit on his lap, do…other things. Thinking about him was even worse. 

But the worst thing of all was seeing Ludwig and Feliciano together.

Feliciano Vargas was one of Ludwig’s closest friends, had been since high school, and perhaps it was just Gilbert, but it seemed as though there was a certain spark between them. At the very least, it was definitely present on Feliciano’s part. The way he looked at Ludwig… The love that was there was so obvious that it broke his heart. If Ludwig knew the truth about what was wrong with Gilbert, he would have problem choosing the Italian over him. Who wouldn’t in that kind of situation? Anyway, it seemed as though Ludwig cared a great deal for Feliciano, so his time was wasted thinking that he even had half a chance at being with his brother.

“Bruder, we need to talk,” Ludwig told him as he entered the living room. Gilbert had been sitting on the couch, blankly staring at the news channel that was playing on the TV when his brother approached him and sat down.

“About what? Can’t you see I’m watching the news? It’s very important,” Gilbert said, hardly even sounding like himself. He knew he hadn’t fooled Ludwig. His younger brother sighed and turned the TV off before he turned to face him again.

“You’ve been acting strangely, avoiding me almost, and I have to know why,” Ludwig said, staring directly into his eyes. Well, he was trying to. Gilbert was too focused on looking anywhere aside from his beautiful brother’s face.

“I’ve just been busy lately and it’s making me tired. That’s all,” Gilbert said. 

“Please, stop lying to me!” Ludwig almost shouted. His frustration took Gilbert by surprise and he stared wide eyed at the blonde as he took a deep breath. “Just…tell me.”

“It’s nothing for you to worry about,” Gilbert said after a slight pause. “I’ll figure it out on my own.”

“Figure what out? What are you talking about? And I’ve been worrying for the past three weeks!” Ludwig questioned him, his blue eyes bright and full of determination. “Stop dodging my questions and tell me, Bruder.”

Gilbert sighed and looked down. He knew he was upsetting his brother, but this was for the best. Ludwig didn’t deserve this torture, not after he had been through so much. His shoulders were weighed down enough as it was. Besides, it wasn’t normal, wasn’t right, this love Gilbert felt for him. If his brother had any chance at happiness and love, it would be with Feliciano and not with the freak his older brother had turned into.

“It’s none of your business, Ludwig,” Gilbert muttered softly and stood up to leave the room. He was stopped by his younger brother and pushed against the wall. Vaguely, his body registered a slight pain, but it was pushed aside at the look Ludwig was giving him, a look of pure frustration and worry.

“Of course it’s my business! You’re my brother!” Ludwig shouted at him. Gilbert felt his own frustration begin to take hold. He was losing his grip. If he didn’t get ahold of it, he’d tell Ludwig everything…

“I’m fine. There’s nothing to talk about,” Gilbert ground out, still not meeting his brother’s eyes.

“No, you’re not fine. You haven’t been for a while. You’re…you’re like a shadow of your former self,” Ludwig said. “Please, Bruder…please tell me…”

Perhaps it was his brother’s soft, pleading voice or the way his shoulders seemed to sag in defeat or the tears that shone in his bright blue eyes, but Gilbert felt his resolve crumbling. He felt himself breaking the promise he had made to protect his brother no matter what. His body sagged against the wall and he hung his head.

“I…love you,” he said softly, so softly that he wasn’t sure Ludwig had heard him. But he had.

“I love you, too. You’re my brother,” Ludwig said, his voice as soft as an angel’s. Gilbert smiled a sad smile and shook his head.

“That’s not what I mean,” he said and finally looked his brother in the eye. He saw the confusion there and the pain and his words just tumbled out on their own accord. “I mean I’m…in love with you.” To make his point, he pressed his lips against Ludwig’s in a chaste kiss. 

It lasted only a second until he pulled away and when Gilbert saw his brother’s expression, his heart broke. There were many emotions in those familiar blue eyes, but the ones most prominent were confusion and disbelief. That was all he needed to know that his feelings were not returned. 

Gilbert was able to step underneath his brother’s arms and off to the side. Hesitantly, he patted his upper arm and didn’t miss the slight flinch that resulted because of it. Sorrow and despair welled within his chest and Gilbert hung his head.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. And he was. He really was.

 

~…~

 

The days that had followed had been torturous to say the least. Whenever Gilbert would walk into a room that Ludwig would be in, his younger brother would leave. If Ludwig entered a room, Gilbert would leave. They didn’t speak, not for the first few days, and they definitely didn’t look at each other let alone touch. The tension in the air was so thick it was practically visible.

When he went to work that Monday, it was all he could do just to make it through. Gilbert had never in his entire life wanted to crawl in a hole and die as much as he did then. He had never felt so alone before, so dirty and foul. Elizabeta couldn’t get him to talk about what was wrong and he didn’t go out of his way to interact with anyone either. All he did was get up, shower, shave, dress, go to work, and come home. 

Things had never been this bad before. There had been times when Ludwig’s been mad at him and vice versa, but those times had never lasted long, certainly not days. By the time Wednesday rolled around, Gilbert was seriously contemplating walking into the middle of a busy intersection. For the most part, he kept himself locked up in his room, not wanting to make matters worse than they already were. 

Friday, it seemed, was the day.

A soft knock came to Gilbert’s bedroom door and he looked up from his desk, surprised. It was Ludwig, of course, but why? Hesitantly, he opened the door and let his brother in. Sitting on the edge of his bed, Gilbert gave Ludwig his desk chair and he took it. The atmosphere was thick and awkward and heavy with tension. He hated it with a passion. But he had brought it upon himself. 

“I have been thinking…” Ludwig began and Gilbert’s stomach twisted into a painful, sickening knot. This wasn’t going to be good.

“About?” Gilbert asked softly.

“About moving out. Finding a place of my own,” Ludwig answered. Gilbert straightened up, his eyes wide.

“You can’t do that! This is your house! You own it! You shouldn’t move out!” Gilbert protested. Ludwig looked down, his hands held in a tight grasp and his brow furrowed.

“I can and I will here soon. It just…think it’s best. All things considered,” Ludwig said.

“You don’t have to do that, Ludwig,” Gilbert insisted. His younger brother shouldn’t have to move out of his own house. It just wasn’t right or fair to him!

“It’s the only solution I can think of that would work,” Ludwig said and stood up. “I haven’t found a place yet, but I am in the process of looking for one. That’s…all I wanted to say. Good night.” With that, he left the room, closing the door behind him.

Gilbert turned and buried his face in a pillow, screaming in frustration and despair. This wasn’t right! None of this was right! This was his fault, all his fault. And now, Ludwig was planning on moving out of his own home because of it! No. No, that wasn’t going to happen.

He was the older brother. It was his duty to protect Ludwig and do what was best for him, even if that meant that he couldn’t be in the picture anymore. If anyone was going to leave, it would be Gilbert and not Ludwig. 

And then, an idea popped into his head. Sitting up, Gilbert scrambled for his phone and quickly looked up the number he needed. It rang once, twice, and on the third ring, he got a response.

“Buenas noches, Gilbert. What’s up? You’re calling kind of late, huh?” Antonio answered. Gilbert took a breath before he responded.

“Antonio, I’m calling for a big favor…”

 

~…~

 

He had packed clothes that he knew Ludwig wouldn't realize were gone, old t-shirts, button ups, jeans, slacks, that kind of stuff. Shoes that he never wore anymore that his younger brother probably thought he had tossed. Gilbert had enough socks and boxers for an army; it’d be hard to tell any were missing. All of the cash he had been saving in his dresser drawer, a couple thousand give or take, would last him until he found a new job; he would make sure of that. Then, he’d be able to find a place of his own instead of staying in a motel room. 

Aside from his clothes, he had left everything behind at home, all of his books, his iPod, his phone, his car… Gilbert wanted to disappear and those things could be replaced. He may have been taking the coward’s way out, running from his problems instead of meeting them head on, but it was the only solution he could think of. Ludwig wouldn’t listen to him and it wasn’t right for him to move out of his own home. So, Gilbert left.

This was the one thing he could do right. If it was for his brother, then he’d do it, even though it felt as though his heart was being clawed out of his chest by some ravenous beast. Not even death could felt this painful…

“Here are your tickets. You’re lucky I was even able to get them for you,” Antonio told him as Gilbert walked over to him. He took the tickets from his long-time friend graciously.

“Thanks, man. I owe you one,” Gilbert said. Antonio waved it off and gave him a smile.

“That’s what friends are for. I figured it must be pretty bad if you’re running away,” Antonio said. Gilbert shrugged. He’d rather not let anybody know.

“So, these will take me to the west coast?” Gilbert asked, to double check. Antonio nodded.

“Yup. Once you’re there, though, you’ll be on your own. You sure you wanna do this?” Antonio said, his smile faltering a bit. Gilbert met his gaze steadily. 

“I have to,” was all he said. Antonio shrugged and smiled in understanding.

“I gotcha. Sometimes, you just have to get away from it all, y’know,” he said.

“Don’t let anybody know I’ve left. Don’t say a word, got it?” Gilbert insisted and he must have sounded pretty desperate because Antonio’s eyes widened as he nodded.

“I got it. I won’t tell a soul about anything. You have my word,” Antonio agreed. Gilbert’s eyes glanced to the car where the blonde was sitting, smoking his cigarette.

“Be sure to tell Abel that, too, okay?” Gilbert said.

“He doesn’t have many friends. Who’s he gonna tell?” Antonio asked, laughing softly.

“Abel knows a lot of people. Make sure he keeps his mouth shut,” Gilbert added.

“Yeah, yeah. I got it. Get goin’ already or you’ll miss your flight!” Antonio gestured with his hands for Gilbert to get a move on. He paused for a second before he took off.

“Thanks again, Tony,” Gilbert said. Antonio waved off his thanks and smiled.

“It was nothing. You just owe me dinner, okay?” 

Gilbert laughed and nodded before he turned towards the airport. With only his old, hardly used duffle bag in hand – Ludwig didn’t even know he had one – Gilbert made his way inside, his heart pounding the whole time, his stomach doing waves while he kept thinking, ‘I have to do this for him, I have to do this for him, I have to do this for him…”

 

~…~

 

He was gone, vanished into thin air, as though he had never even existed in the first place.

His room was neat, tidy, and clean, with no dust to be seen anywhere, just as it always was. All of his clothes were on their hangers or in their drawers, as were all of his books, movies, CDs, notebooks, and so on. His phone was still lying on the night stand, still plugged in even though it was fully charged. The bed looked as though it hadn’t been slept in. All of the toiletries were in their place in the adjoining bathroom. Everything was where it had always been.

But Gilbert was still missing.

Ludwig had woken up to find the house empty save for himself. He had looked in every room, every closet, up in the attic, down in the basement, and even in the yards front and back. Gilbert’s car was still in the garage beside his own and his keys were where they always were. Everything was as it should be. At least, that would be the case if Gilbert was still there, but he wasn’t. 

He was gone.

Anxious and worried, Ludwig thought about calling the police, but he knew that they wouldn’t actively start searching until twenty-four hours had passed. The last time he had seen his brother had been around nine-thirty last night; twenty-four hours had yet to pass. Besides, just because his car was still there didn’t mean that Gilbert hadn’t had a friend of his come and pick him up. Roderick had already told Ludwig he wasn’t at his place and Ludwig didn’t have Antonio’s or Francis’ numbers, so he couldn’t call them and ask. Gilbert was probably with one or both of them, though.

That thought didn’t make him worry any less.

Ludwig went about his morning as usual: he made breakfast, ate, showered, and shaved. Usually on Saturdays, he and Gilbert went to the gym together and worked out for a few hours. With Gilbert gone, however, Ludwig was hesitant in going. It was a routine he had always shared with his brother and the thought of not having him with him made him…uncomfortable. He was already worried enough; he didn’t need the extra anxiety, so Ludwig stayed home. Grabbing a book off of his shelf, he sat down in the living room and began to read.

Unfortunately, he wasn’t able to concentrate on reading. He was constantly checking his phone, looking up, listening to the sounds around the house and out in the neighborhood. Listening, watching, waiting for Gilbert to walk through the door as he normally did with a grin on his face and…

Oh. But…but Gilbert hadn’t been smiling lately, not even a fake one. Ever since that night, Gilbert was avoiding him and Ludwig was doing the same. They had been avoiding each other, trying to find a way to live through this stunning, life changing revelation and finding it impossible. At least, Ludwig found it impossible. He still loved Gilbert with all of his heart, but something had changed and he wasn’t sure what. The not knowing is what made him uncomfortable and tense. So much so that the only solution he could think of to make things between himself and Gilbert better was to leave.

As much as he didn’t want to, Ludwig honestly couldn’t think of another way. He needed time to think things through and to understand just exactly what he was feeling. While he knew that his suggestion had hurt Gilbert, he had hoped that his brother would understand him…

Until he came home, Ludwig wouldn’t know. They hadn’t spoken for almost a week. Gilbert kept himself holed up in his bedroom while Ludwig pretty much had the rest of the house by himself. Things had never been this bad before. Even when one of them was angry at the other, things had never been like this. And now…

Closing his book, Ludwig decided to clean the house. He needed to occupy himself somehow until Gilbert came home and cleaning would do it. Or so he hoped. 

His house, he knew, was pretty much spotless; both he and his brother were very tidy and neat, which made things easy. That didn’t help him as he started to clean. However, it did provide enough of a distraction that hours had passed by before he even knew it. It was almost three by the time he actually checked a clock. Almost three and Gilbert still wasn’t home.

Turning on the TV, Ludwig went into the kitchen to make himself a small lunch, even though he wasn’t all that hungry. After eating, he decided to watch some TV as he waited. How long he sat there flipping through channels he didn’t know; all he did know was that he couldn’t take it anymore. By five o’clock, Ludwig turned the TV off and went upstairs. Unplugging Gilbert’s phone, he saw that there were numerous messages and even a few phone calls from Francis, Antonio and even Roderick, all of which basically added up to one question: where are you?

On the verge of panicking, Ludwig called Francis using Gilbert’s phone. Hopefully…hopefully…

“Ah! About time you answer me, Gilbert. I was starting to get worried, you know,” Francis said.

“It’s not Gilbert. It’s Ludwig,” Ludwig said. 

“Ludwig? Why are you calling me and from Gilbert’s phone?” Francis asked, sounding genuinely surprised.

“I haven’t seen Gilbert since last night. He was nowhere to be seen in the house and he hasn’t come home. I was hoping he was with you,” Ludwig explained.

“Alas, no, he is not, hence why I called him. Antonio and I wanted to see if he wanted to join us for dinner tonight,” Francis said. “You haven’t seen or heard from him?”

“Nein. He left his phone, his keys, and his car here. He hasn’t called or messaged me…” Ludwig said and sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I’m getting really worried. Since he’s not with you, I’m going to call the police and explain to them that he’s missing.”

“He’s not with Roderick or Elizabeta?” Francis asked.

“Nein. It’s like he just up and...vanished,” Ludwig replied, his voice cracking ever so slightly. 

“Well, then, call the police and let me know if I can help,” Francis told him, sounding concerned.

“Will do. Thank you,” Ludwig said before he hung up. Placing Gilbert’s phone down, he went down stairs to call the police. 

 

~…~

 

Gilbert sighed as he drank his coffee. He would need to leave for work in about ten minutes; luckily for him, it wasn’t that far of a commute. It had been about two and a half weeks since he had arrived in Washington and he was still surprised and grateful that he had managed to find himself a job so soon. Honestly, he had expected himself to be out of one for a bit longer, but he supposed that he had a tiny bit of lucky in one area of his life at least. 

His job now wasn’t like his last one. He now worked in a bookstore. It was fairly large and had a plethora of books, movies, music, and other miscellaneous items. Gilbert liked working there; it wasn’t what he was used to, but it was a nice change of pace and he liked his coworkers. The one he liked the most though was Alfred. 

Alfred was about twenty-one or so, blonde hair, blue eyes, and he was a pretty happy guy. Seriously, Gilbert had never met anyone as outgoing or genuinely happy as Alfred. He was the one who had trained Gilbert during his first three days at work and they had been pretty much working side by side since. Customers liked him and their other coworkers liked him; it was nice. Being around a guy like that kind of made Gilbert feel better.

But when he got back to his apartment – nothing fancy, but a standard, run of the mill apartment that was cheap – there was no one there to make him feel better. His thoughts ran rampant, wondering how Ludwig was doing, if he missed him, if he was happy Gilbert was gone, if he even noticed, if leaving really was the best thing to do, if he should go back, and many, many more. With no one there at his apartment, loneliness and solitude were his only friends and they got depressing very quickly. 

He had never really noticed how quiet things could get before now. He had never noticed how dark and cold a home could feel when only one person lived there. Gilbert had never longed for his brother more; even if it was just a hand shake, he’d settle for it so long as Ludwig was there with him. But he wasn’t. And he wouldn’t be. Even if Gilbert had stayed, he would have left; Ludwig had said so himself. Either way, Gilbert would be alone. At least this way, he did it to himself and he did it so that his brother wouldn’t have to leave his own house. 

Gilbert finished his coffee, rinsed it out, placed it in the sink, grabbed his jacket and left his apartment. He managed to get to work right on time, as usual. After punching in, he grabbed his green apron and got to work. Most of his morning duties included organizing new freight and putting it out and if he was needed, he would man on of the five registers at the long counter by the front doors before leaving. Alfred, of course, was already there, getting ready to give Gilbert a hand.

“Hey, Gil! How’s it going?” Alfred asked him. 

“Oh, it’s just fine. You?” Gilbert asked as he started to sort the new shipment of books.

“I’m pretty good,” Alfred replied.

He talked as the two began to work. Gilbert barely heard a word he said. He just couldn’t stop thinking about Ludwig. How was he? Was he doing okay? Was he eating properly? Sometimes, he would get so caught up with work that he wouldn’t take a lunch break and sometimes he would even forget about dinner if he had to bring work home with him. Was he getting enough sleep? 

“Hey, man. Are you okay?” Alfred’s voice brought him back to reality and Gilbert blinked before giving him a fake smile. 

“I’m fine. Just…got a lot on my mind. That’s all,” Gilbert said. Alfred studied him for a moment. Contrary to what people may have thought, Alfred wasn’t stupid or anything like that. Outgoing, yes, and hyperactive at times, but not stupid. He could tell if something was bothering someone, no matter how well they hid it; he could read people so very easily like that. And he knew that something was wrong with Gilbert.

“Listen, man, I won’t pressure you, but if you ever want to talk to someone, just let me know, okay?” Alfred told him and he gave him a sad, small smile. “I can shut my mouth for a couple of minutes to listen to a friend.”

“Friend?” The question came out before Gilbert even had a chance to stop it. Alfred’s smile turned into one of happiness.

“Of course we’re friends, Gilbert! I don’t blab my whole life story to just anyone, you know,” Alfred said and laughed loudly. He hadn’t been joking; on the first day, he had practically told Gilbert everything about him, right down to which color of toothbrush he preferred. 

“Yeah, I guess so,” Gilbert said and he even managed a small smile. Alfred gave him a thoughtful look before his eyes lit up and he smiled again.

“I’ve got an idea! Why not come over to my place tonight?” Alfred asked, his excitement apparent in his face.

“Y-You’re place?” Gilbert said, wide-eyed at the sudden exuberance of his coworker.

“Yeah! You can meet my boyfriend, Arthur, and maybe we can all go out for wings or something! It’ll be fun and relaxing and I’m sure you’d enjoy yourself,” Alfred said. “Whaddaya say?” How could he refuse?

“Sure. Sure, why not? It does sound like fun and it’s been a while since I’ve had a good time,” Gilbert replied. 

“Awesome! This is gonna be, like, the best night ever!” Alfred hollered and Gilbert laughed just a bit. 

The rest of his day went by fast, which was both a blessing and a curse. Gilbert was both excited about going over to Alfred’s place and dreading it. He didn’t like being alone but he wasn’t sure if he could keep his mouth shut about…well…Ludwig. Even mentioning his brother could lead to something incredibly awkward, like him breaking down or something not cool like that. Still, Gilbert had already been cowardly enough to run away from Ludwig and his problems, he couldn’t continue the trend. It had to stop somewhere. 

And the more Alfred talked about it, because it was all he could talk about aside from recently published books and such, the more Gilbert found himself relaxing about the entire thing. By the time he clocked out and began making his way home to get ready, he was even looking forward to it. After showering, shaving, and dressing, he grabbed his phone – brand new, of course, with an entirely different number than his old one and only two contacts: work and Alfred – and his wallet and headed out the door. Thankfully, Alfred had given him his address before they left work and from where Gilbert lived, it was a short walk away.

With his hands in his pockets, Gilbert walked along the streets of his new home, keeping his eyes trained on the sidewalk and keeping his head down, just in case. It was highly unlikely that someone would recognize him, but he still didn’t want to take the chance. His walk seemed to take no time at all and before he knew it, he was walking into a decent apartment building and taking the elevator to the fifth floor, where Alfred and Arthur lived. 

He had barely even finished knocking before the door was opened and Alfred was beaming at him, eyes and smile both bright and happy. 

“Gilbert! My man! You actually came!” Alfred cheered as he pulled Gilbert inside by a one armed hug as he closed the door.

“Yeah, I did and you should be lucky. Not everyone gets to hang out with the awesome me,” Gilbert said half-heartedly. Alfred smiled at him and ushered him to the couch, where he sat down.

“Haha! I hear ya, bro! Arthur’s in the kitchen making tea. Hey, Artie! Gilbert’s here!” Alfred shouted, although he didn’t need to. The kitchen was right there by the living room and Gilbert could see Arthur’s back as he made his way around the stove.

“How many times have I told you not to call me that, Alfred?” Arthur asked as he turned around and brought in a tray with three tea cups and a tea pot on it. After placing it on the coffee table in front of the couch, Arthur sent Gilbert a tired smile and extended his hand.

“I am so, so sorry that you have to put up with Alfred all day,” Arthur said, but Gilbert could see the love and affection so clearly in his eyes. “I’m Arthur. Please, whatever you do, do not call me Artie.”

“I think I can manage that,” Gilbert said as he shook Arthur’s hand. He gave him a nervous smile.

“Help yourself to some tea,” Arthur said and Gilbert did just that.

“Tea is the one thing Arthur can make right,” Alfred joked, laughing.

“Hey! Don’t be such a jerk, you little…!” Arthur pinched Alfred’s cheeks, but the taller blonde only laughed. 

“Aw, you know that I love you, Arthur,” Alfred said and for a moment, he looked serious. There was a small smile on his face as he gazed at Arthur, who in turn blushed ever so lightly. 

“So, are you guys hungry? I know I am!” Alfred said, smiling excitedly. Arthur rolled his eyes but he couldn’t keep a small smile from tugging at his lips.

“You’re always hungry,” Arthur said and Gilbert laughed because, well, it was very true. 

He watched as the two talked, throwing tiny jabs at each other as they drank their tea and then grabbed their jackets before all three of them left. Gilbert couldn’t help but smile ever so slightly at the two of them. It was so obvious that they loved each other so deeply and he liked that. However, it also made his heart sting, knowing that he could never be that happy with the one he loved the most. Their presence and their affection were painful reminders of what Gilbert could never have.

Even so, as the evening progressed, Gilbert felt himself relaxing and even enjoying himself. Alfred and Arthur were both good guys, different and yet the same as well. For some reason, they reminded him of Ludwig and himself. But he brushed it off. It was just a coincidence that he felt that way.

 

~…~

 

“What are you saying?” Ludwig asked the detective. It had been nearly a month since Gilbert had seemingly vanished into thin air and the detective who had been working the case had just told him that there were no leads, that it was a dead end case.

“I’m saying was that his body hasn’t been found and that there seems to be no foul play. All of his friends are cleared and even those who didn’t like him all had alibis at the time of his disappearance,” the detective explained patiently, her brown eyes filled with sympathy and understanding. “The only thing that I can come up with is that he just left. Are you sure that nothing was going on between the two of you?”

“I’ve already told you everything,” Ludwig said as he ran a hand over his face. And he had, except the part about Gilbert kissing him and their awkward, horrible week of silence. 

“Well, if you happen to think of something that may help, please let me know. In the meantime, please consider it a possibility that your brother just wanted to relocate, to change something in his life,” the detective said not unkindly. Ludwig nodded and showed her out. After closing the door behind her, he walked into the living room and sat down on the couch, his head in his hands.

An entire month. Gilbert had been gone an entire month and Ludwig had never before felt so utterly miserable and alone. He hadn’t even felt this way when his parents died. Even when his brother had been working almost all of the time, he was still here, his presence was still around him, enveloping him in warmth and love and unconditional acceptance. Gilbert had been his rock, his strength, and now that he was gone, Ludwig felt himself crumbling. 

He wasn’t stupid, though. Ludwig had a feeling why Gilbert left. It wouldn’t take a genius to figure it out. And it wasn’t a coincidence that Gilbert disappeared just after Ludwig had told him that he himself was leaving. Looking back on it now, Ludwig felt as though he had been cruel to his brother and the only family he had left. Gilbert had obviously felt a deep regret for kissing him and for telling him that he loved him far more than a brother should and yet Ludwig had only continued to make things worse instead of trying to repair the damage already done. Now, it was too late. Gilbert was gone and Ludwig was alone.

He hated this. He hated Gilbert being away from him. He hated waking up to an empty house. He hated not knowing if Gilbert was okay. He hated not knowing if Gilbert was eating properly or if he was working or if he had a decent place to sleep or if he had money in his bank account. More importantly, Ludwig hated that he had done this, that he had drove his brother away.

Ludwig wanted nothing more than to see his brother again, to pull him into his arms and never let him go, to tell him that he was sorry for the pain he had caused and that he was just afraid, afraid of the feeling he got every time he even thought about Gilbert. Now, he may never get that chance. If Gilbert didn’t want to be found, he wouldn’t be. Ludwig just wished that he had a lead, that someone knew something, anything, that could point him in the direction of his brother.

Releasing a heavy sigh, Ludwig leaned back against the couch and stared up at the ceiling, his heart feeling heavier than it ever had before.

 

~…~

 

Something had been bothering Gilbert ever since he first hung out with Alfred and Arthur. He liked them both; they were fun and funny and he was glad to call them friends. But there was something about them...

Whenever they talked about their families, it seemed as though they were talking about the same one, as though they came from the same family. He wanted so badly to ask them, but Gilbert wasn’t sure if he should. He could very well be wrong and he didn’t want to insult them. Yet, he had to know, he had to know if perhaps there were people out there like him, who couldn’t help but fall in love with their brother or sister or whatever. 

So, naturally, Gilbert’s curiosity had reached its breaking point and he just blurted it out one day while he and Alfred were at lunch.

“Alfred, what’s up with you and Arthur?” It came out before Gilbert’s brain could even think about the consequences. And as soon as it did, his face turned red and he gasped, horrified that he had asked.

“What do you mean?” Alfred asked, his eyes bright and a smile still present on his face.

“Well…it’s just that…when you two talk about your families…it’s like…” Gilbert groaned inwardly. “It just seems like you two are… What I mean is…” Alfred sighed and put down his sandwich. His smile turned warm and gentle.

“Arthur and I are brothers,” Alfred admitted. Gilbert had thought so. They just…they reminded him of Ludwig and himself, the way they would bicker, how well they knew each other, the dedication and understanding and love they felt for each other. Granted, Ludwig didn’t love him the way that Gilbert did, but still…

“I…uh, I thought so,” Gilbert mumbled. Alfred laughed and his smiled turned bright.

“Well, technically, we’re half-brothers. Our dad divorced his mom when they moved to this country and then our dad met my mom and…well, the rest is history,” Alfred said before taking a bite of his sandwich.

“How did you two…get to where you are now?” Gilbert asked him. He wanted to know partly out of curiosity and partly to see if there might be some hope for him yet. But, a small voice inside his head said, that would never happen because Ludwig was disgusted by him. His hope was futile and his heart sunk at the thought.

“Well, Arthur would come over during the weekends and every other holiday and him and I grew close. Closer than I ever thought we would. He was kind of stuck up at first and he hated my guts for a while,” Alfred said and laughed as he scratched the back of his head sheepishly. “I always thought he had amazing eyes and that he was secretly a big teddy bear beneath the hard-ass exterior. My heart always skipped a few beats whenever I thought about him and I saw him as someone much more than a half-brother.”

“So…?” Gilbert asked, a small smile on his face. He couldn’t help it; watching Alfred talk about how him and Arthur came to be was adorable. Knowing how much they loved each other now, it brought a smile to his face as Alfred talked about their rocky past.

“Eventually, we became friends. We went to the same school, even had a few classes together even though he’s two years older than I am. Anyway, during my junior year, I asked him out to the prom. No one really knew we were related, since he was British and I’m, well, not, obvious. So, it was easy for us to be together. At first, Arthur was against it; he was afraid that someone would find out, we’d be separated, and that we would never see each other again,” Alfred explained and his face grew serious, his smile vanishing. “He didn’t want to put his heart through that and I understood that. I didn’t want to lose him either, so I told him that we could keep it under wraps for as long as he wanted to. I loved him enough to hide my feelings for him when it wasn’t just him and I. Even now, our parents don’t know about our relationship. They just think we’re roommates.”

“It must have been hard,” Gilbert said softly, looking down at his barely eaten lunch. Hearing Alfred talk reminded him of his last week with Ludwig and it made his stomach churn and roll uncomfortably. 

“It was, but when we moved in here, things got easier. No one aside from you, actually, knows that we’re half-brothers. We don’t even remember that we’re related half of the time, if that makes any sense at all,” Alfred said. His smile return and he looked up at Gilbert. “I’ve never been happier and neither has he. We still fight some times, but there’s no one else out there for him and I’m pretty sure he feels the same way.”

“Yeah,” Gilbert said.

“So, where’s your brother?” Alfred asked him and Gilbert’s eyes widened. His head shot up and Alfred shrugged, his countenance full of understanding . “I see how you get whenever you’re around Arthur and I and I figured that you wouldn’t ask if we were brother unless you yourself were going through the same thing. So, what’s your story?”

Gilbert debated with himself. Should he tell Alfred or shouldn’t he? Alfred was the only friend he had now. He had reached out to him when he was new in town and to the job and he had gone out of his way to invite him over and get to know him. Plus, he had just told Gilbert his own story. Did he own him the same courtesy? And the more he thought about it, the more it appealed to him. Wouldn’t it be nice to tell someone, especially someone who was familiar with his situation, about Ludwig?

He could just keep his mouth shut. Part of Gilbert thought that he should. And yet, he felt the need to get if off his chest. Aside from wanting to, he needed to. It was a sudden, forceful feeling that hit him so hard in his gut that where was no possible way he could deny it.

And so, Gilbert began speaking, telling Alfred all of it. He told him about how life had been before his parents had died and how much it had changed after they had passed away. He told Alfred all about Ludwig, about how smart he was, how much of a good kid he was growing up, how he was a genuinely good person, and how much he loved him. Too much, Gilbert had told Alfred, and he told him how he had figured out he was in love with Ludwig. Then, he told him about how he had tried to suppress it and how that had ended terribly, with him kissing Ludwig suddenly and then bolting. Gilbert finished with how Ludwig had mentioned moving out of his own home just to get away from him.

Silence fell upon them and for the first time since this entire situation had started, Gilbert felt a wait lifted. He looked up at Alfred and was a bit shocked to see Alfred’s eyes bright with unshed tears, but with sympathy and understanding in them as well. Suddenly, Gilbert was pulled into a tight bear hug and he gasped in shock at just how strong Alfred was.

“Oh, man. I am so sorry, Gilbert,” Alfred said and squeezed him tightly before he let him go. Alfred wiped his eyes.

“No wonder you kind of showed up out of the blue. If I had gone through what you did, I probably would have high tailed it too,” Alfred told him. “It must be so hard, being away from the one you love the most…”

“It…definitely isn’t easy,” Gilbert said. 

“But even so, I don’t think Ludwig was trying to be mean or that he’s disgusted by you,” Alfred said as he stood up and gathered up the trash from their lunch. Their break was almost over anyway.

“What makes you say that?” Gilbert asked, hoping starting to bubble beneath the surface. He quickly squashed it down. There was no way that Ludwig cared about him the same way. It just wasn’t possible and he needed to get that through his head.

“Just a feeling,” Alfred said, his face serious as he sat back down at the table. “From a younger brother to an older one.” He gave Gilbert a small, kind of sad smile.

Gilbert remained quiet for the rest of the day.

 

~…~

 

“Ludwig! Ludwig!” Feliciano’s voice, full of excitement and enthusiasm, interrupted Ludwig’s train of thought.

Currently, he was in the employee lounge at work getting himself a fresh cup of coffee. He had been drinking a lot more of it lately, seeing as how he hardly got any sleep. Ludwig couldn’t help it; his thoughts were on Gilbert, where he was, how he was doing, when, or if, he would come back home… It was these thoughts that kept him awake at night; it was these thoughts that tugged so hard at his heart, filling it with feelings that he was only now just beginning to understand.

“Ja? What is it?” Ludwig asked his best friend. He turned and stared down at the shorter man. He noticed that he looked a bit nervous, but his mind was trying to focus on work and on getting coffee into his bloodstream. 

“Well, um…I was just…wondering if….if you’d like to go out on a date with me!” Feliciano all but yelled the last part and Ludwig jumped ever so slightly. He blinked a couple of times and stared down at his friend.

“A…date?” Ludwig asked, confused.

Where had this come from all of a sudden? Feliciano was his best friend; had been for quite some time now. But that’s all he was: a friend. Ludwig had never felt anything for his friend aside from the mutual love and caring that came with friendship. As far as romantically, Ludwig just didn’t feel it, not for Feliciano. Not because there was something wrong with the Italian; he would be perfect for anyone. The only person Ludwig had ever held any sort of romantic interest in was…

“Yeah! A date! I was thinking dinner and a movie maybe! Or, if you don’t like that, we could go to the gym since you like to work out! But my arms might fall off if I work out too much,” Feliciano rambled on and Ludwig held up a hand, his brow furrowed.

“I appreciate the offer, Feli, but I’m just not interested,” Ludwig told him not unkindly. Feliciano stopped speaking and blinked up at him, tilting his head to the side as though he were confused.

“What…do you mean…not interested?” Feliciano. “I thought…that…” Ludwig sighed and led his friend to a nearby table, where they sat down to talk.

“Feliciano, listen to me. You are my best friend and I care about you deeply, but not in that way,” Ludwig said gently. His heart sank as he watched his friend’s face fall with every word, but he knew deep down that what he was saying was right. 

“Is there…someone else?” Feliciano asked.

“Well, no, not-“ Ludwig stopped talking.

He clenched his fists and stared down at the clean, white table. If he had finished his sentence, he would be lying. Lying not only to Feliciano, his best friend, but to himself, as he had done so for years now. There was someone that Ludwig loved with all of his heart, with every fiber of his being, but he had driven him away. Fear had gripped his heart, fear that what he was feeling was wrong, fear that he would forever be damned for his love, fear that his beloved would also be damned and judged unfairly because of it, and as a result, Gilbert had felt…

It had to stop. He was tired of running away. He was tired of the fear. More importantly, he was tired of Gilbert being gone. Ludwig needed to find his brother, no matter what the cost. His fear may not have been gone, not quite, but he would get there. His brother was far more important to him than his fear. And right now, right here, was as good a time as any to start the change he needed to make.

“Yes, Feli, there is someone else,” Ludwig admitted. Feliciano thought for a moment and then he smiled. There was some sadness to it, but there was also happiness.

“They must be someone really special for you to look so lovesick, Ludwig. I’m sure that whoever it is is very happy to be with you. And I’m also sure that they’ll make you very happy, too! You deserve to be happy,” Feliciano told him.

“I hope so…” Ludwig mumbled softly, not knowing what else to say. Feliciano placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t worry. Just be yourself and things will work out!” Feliciano said. Ludwig gave him a small smile; at least, he tried to. It probably looked more like a grimace than anything else.

“I should be cheering you up. Not the other way around,” he said.

“No matter what happens, we’ll always be friends. I don’t ever want that to change,” Feliciano said. Ludwig nodded and patted Feliciano’s hand.

“Thank you,” Ludwig said. 

He stood up, grabbed his coffee, and left the lounge, heading towards his office. His mind was a gigantic, conflicted mess as thoughts ran rampant throughout it. Ludwig didn’t know what to do about any of this. The only thing he did know was that he wanted Gilbert back. It was killing him not having his brother here, with him, where he belonged. Before he did anything, he needed to find Gilbert, no matter what. But how? Where would he start?

The police had done all they could. Ludwig could hire a private eye, but given the circumstances, he wasn’t sure if bringing a stranger into the situation would help. Besides, Ludwig felt as though this was something he needed to do himself. At the very least, he owed it to Gilbert. He drove him away, so it was only right that he find him himself. And he would find him, no matter what. It was just…he wasn’t sure where to begin, who to talk to.

Perhaps he would talk to Francis and Antonio again. Even the tiniest detail might help him out, and those two were Gilbert’s closest friends. If anybody would have some inkling of where his brother might have gone, it would be them. At least, that was what he was hoping.

So, after he left for work that night, Ludwig stopped by Antonio’s house. He had already called him prior to leaving, asking him if he was available. Luckily, he was. Ludwig wasn’t sure where exactly to start; he just wanted to know if Antonio thought of something, even something small and seemingly insignificant. 

The drive took no time at all and before he knew it, Ludwig was pulling into the driveway and parking behind Abel’s car. Getting out, he quickly made his way to the door, his head pounding as a headache began to set in. He had felt it coming on ever since he had talked to Feliciano in the lounge and now, it was starting to hit him full force. After ringing the doorbell, Ludwig ran a hand through his hair, surprised that it was still gelled back. If this didn’t work, if Antonio wasn’t able to help him, then he was pretty much screwed.

He almost jumped out of his suit when the door opened and Antonio’s smiling face came into view.

“Holla, Ludwig! I’m so glad you came over. Why don’t you come on in?” Antonio opened the door and ushered Ludwig inside. After leading him into the living room and having him sit down, he offered him a drink.

“Just water, please. I’ve got a terrible headed,” Ludwig replied, rubbing his forehead with one hand while Antonio went into the kitchen.

“Headache? Do you need something for it?” Antonio called out to him.

“Nein. I don’t want to be a bother. I don’t plan on staying long,” Ludwig admitted as the shorter man came back, glass of water in hand, which he handed to the blonde. He took it and sipped it, grateful for the cool, refreshing liquid.

“Speaking of that, why did you want to come over so suddenly?” Antonio asked as he sat down on the recliner by the couch, beer in hand. “Not that I mind, y’know. It’s nice to see you. I know we’re not exactly close, but it’s nice to have Gilbert’s brother come on seeing as how he’s not here.”

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about,” Ludwig said, placing his glass down on the coffee table in front of the couch. “I want to find my brother. I have to find him, no matter what. If you know anything, anything at all, that could help me in my search to find him, I would be most grateful.”

“So, you’re looking for Gilbert, huh? I gotta say, I do miss him. It’s been lonely and boring without him around. I can only imagine what you must be feeling,” Antonio rambled. Ludwig just wanted to get this over with. His head was pounding so very painfully that it was hard to see at some points.

“Antonio, do you know anything, even something that might seem insignificant, that could help me?” Ludwig repeated. Antonio stopped talking, thankfully, and thought for a moment.

“Uh…nothing that I can think of…” Antonio began, but he was interrupted by Abel’s voice.

“Don’t lie. Tell him the truth,” the blonde told him as he came down the stairs and walked into the kitchen, empty cup in hand. Antonio’s face turned pale and he looked into the living room. Ludwig’s eyes narrowed and he studied the shorter man carefully. He was starting to sweat and his hands were clenching and unclenching. It seemed to him as though Abel had been right: Antonio was lying.

“I…I don’t know what you’re talking about, Abel,” Antonio said, laughing nervously. 

“Yes, you do. I was there. I saw you give him his things,” Abel said nonchalantly, as though it were no big deal that he was ratting out his significant other.

“What things?” Ludwig asked, his voice deep and deadly, no threat spoken but clearly implied as he glared daggers at Antonio. The shorter man shifted and turned back to Ludwig.

“W-well….you see…I…I, um,” Antonio stumbled over his words and Ludwig stood up straight, pulling himself to his full height. He stalked over to the recliner and placed his hands on the arms, trapping Antonio to the chair and getting in his face. Now that he was so close, he could clearly see the sweat forming on his forehead, he could see him swallow nervously, and he could hear his breath hitch. 

“You are going to tell me what you did and where Gilbert is,” Ludwig said, his voice low and serious, intimidating in every way and just as effective. “If you don’t, I will make your life a living nightmare.”

And he meant it too. Gilbert was far too important to him to let this go. He may not know what he would do once he found his brother and he may have been slightly confused, but he wasn’t going to let this go. One way or another, he would find Gilbert; he had to. His life was pure hell without his brother by his side and he didn’t want to live his life without Gilbert with him. 

“So, start talking,” Ludwig finished. He would have to remember to thank Abel some time, after Gilbert was back, that is.

 

~…~

 

A little over two months, two months and four days to be precise; that was how long Gilbert had been away from Ludwig, his dearly beloved brother. Although he had missed Ludwig terribly and wanted nothing more than to go back, Gilbert was content being so far away from him. Even though he felt more like an empty shell these days, at least he was protecting his brother and giving him a chance to live on with his life.

It was hard, harder than he thought it would be. Sometimes, he missed Ludwig so badly that he felt as though he would go insane if he didn’t see him, if he didn’t at least hear his voice. All Gilbert would have to do is call him; he had his number memorized after all. He had almost gone through with it; there was one night just two weeks ago that Gilbert, reduced to a crying, blubbering mess after recollecting so many fond memories of he and his brother, had dialed Ludwig’s number. He had almost gone through with it, but at the last minute, he stopped himself.

It had been made obvious during their last conversation that Ludwig did not want him around. Not that Gilbert could blame him; he had all but molested Ludwig on that terrible night. He had screwed things up and the only thing that would fix it was taking himself out of the picture. Gilbert couldn’t imagine things improving if he had stayed; actually, he believed that they would have gotten far worse had he stayed. It was better this way, that was the one thought that had kept him from going back and it was the one thought that had prevented him from calling Ludwig that night two weeks ago, and so many nights before that.

Alfred and Arthur had tried their best to help him. Now that they knew everything, they had been patient with him, kind, and supportive. However, they still couldn’t repair the whole that was slowly taking over his heart. He knew that they were trying their best, but it was hard to stay away from someone you’ve spent your entire life with, literally. Gilbert had gone from seeing Ludwig every single day since the day his brother was born to not at all in the blink of an eye. No one, not even Alfred or Arthur, understood how difficult that was. And yet, here he was.

Gilbert yawned as he walked down the street. It was his day off and he wanted to go for a walk to help clear his mind. It was working all that well. Still, the fresh air was refreshing and Gilbert’s legs were still going, so the walk was still going. All day, he had felt an itch underneath his skin, one he couldn’t scratch, and he couldn’t squash the feeling that something was about to happen, something significant, important.

What it was, he didn’t know; all he knew was that he felt restless and he needed to get out. So, he went for a walk and so far, he wasn’t regretting his decision. Walking down the sidewalk, passing people along the way, he kept his head down and his hands in his pockets, keeping to himself, still paranoid that someone might recognize him.

However, by keeping his head down, he wasn’t exactly watching where he was going and he bumped into someone accidentally. Looking up, he was about to apologize when he froze. His eyes widened and his heart stopped for a second. There, standing before him, looking handsome and glorious, was Ludwig, his brother.

But…but how? Why? What was he doing here? He had no business on this side of the country, Gilbert knew that for a fact.

“Gil…Gilbert?” Ludwig spoke his name like a prayer and dear God, it had never felt so wonderful coming from someone’s lips before. 

As much as he wanted to embrace his brother, inhale his amazing scent, feel his arms around him, Gilbert knew it couldn’t happen. It wasn’t meant to be. And it couldn’t be. His heart began to race; it pounded so violently in his chest that he was worried he’d have a heart attack. His hands were sweaty and clammy and he knew he looked like a dear caught in headlights.

Without thinking, without saying a word, Gilbert turned on his heel and ran. He ran as fast as he could down the sidewalk, pushing past people, running into them, knocking them over. Shouts and profanities were thrown at him, but he paid them no mind. His only thought was to run away as fast as he could from his brother. No! No, no, no, no! This wasn’t right! Ludwig wasn’t supposed to be here! He wasn’t supposed to look for him, let alone find him! Gilbert was supposed to be away from him so that Ludwig would be free of him!

So caught up in his thoughts was he that Gilbert didn’t even realize he had run right into a crosswalk. He didn’t even see the car. All he knew was that he felt a sudden, sharp pain in his side and then he was tumbling over something. The world went black when he landed on the ground with a heavy thud.

 

~…~

 

Ludwig was sitting in a chair outside of Gilbert’s hospital room, one hand covering his face as he leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. He had been there for two days now and Gilbert still hadn’t woken up. And he wouldn’t for a little while, the doctor had told him. Just to be safe as he had banged his head up pretty badly, she had induced a coma so that any damage that might have been caused to Gilbert’s brain could be repaired. He knew it wasn’t as bad as it sounded, but that didn’t make him worry any less. Along with his broken leg and the numerous lacerations and contusions, the induced coma was icing on the cake.

Technically, visiting hours were over; they ended at nine and it was nine-thirty, but Ludwig hadn’t returned to his hotel room. Nor would he, not until Gilbert was conscious. 

God, this was his fault. It had been a coincidence that he had bumped into Gilbert on the street and when he had, it was as though time stood still. For the first time in more than two months, Ludwig had seen his brother. He was still as beautiful as he had always been; the only difference was that he was thinner than usual, which meant he hadn’t been eating properly. All Ludwig wanted to do was pull Gilbert to him, embrace him tightly, and never let him go. 

That was when Gilbert ran. Ludwig should have expected this, yet he hadn’t. All he could think of after Antonio had given him the information he needed was seeing Gilbert and bringing him back. Needless to say, he hadn’t thought about what Gilbert might do upon seeing him, such as run. Naturally, Ludwig ran after him, so he saw the car heading towards his brother. The only thing he could do was shout his brother’s name and watch in horror as the car hit him and his body tumbled over and off the car, landing on the ground, unmoving. 

Ludwig had feared the worst then. He had been so very, very afraid that Gilbert was dead, that his dear brother and only family, was gone. But he wasn’t; he was alive and breathing and obviously injured. Riding alongside his unconscious brother in the ambulance was something he will never forget. And he had been absolutely beside himself with panic, worry, and fear until the doctor came out and told him that his brother would survive. His panic had melted away, but his worry and fear remained. Gilbert wasn’t awake yet and until he was, Ludwig wouldn’t be able to relax and calm down.

This…this was all his fault. He should have thought things through, he should have taken Gilbert’s reaction into consideration instead of leaving home with guns blazing. And now…now, this. After everything they’ve been through, after the past two God awful months, this happened. Even when he was trying to bring his brother back, he had pushed him away, forced him to run, and he had almost lost Gilbert because of it. God, he was the worst brother in all of history…

“Oh, hello. You must be Ludwig,” a voice said. Ludwig looked up and blinked at the blonde before him. He was almost as tall as Ludwig, with glasses and a cowlick that seemed to have a mind of its own, but he was smiling softly down at him and was holding a bag of what seemed to be convenient store food.

“Ja. I’m…I’m Ludwig,” Ludwig stood up and offered his hand, which the younger blonde took.

“Nice to finally meet you! I’m Alfred, Gilbert’s friend,” Alfred said and his smile vanished and was replaced with a worried expression. “How is he? I came as fast as I could.”

“Doctor Myer induced a coma, but aside from that, he has a broken leg and multiple lacerations and bruises,” Ludwig said, releasing Alfred’s hand and sitting down. “He looks…he looks…”

“He looks worse than he is,” Alfred said. Ludwig looked up at him, wondering how he knew that. The younger man shrugged and gave him a small smile. “That’s usually how it is. Things that look bad aren’t really that bad, whereas things that don’t look bad usually are. Like you.” Ludwig sunk back against the hard, uncomfortable chair the hospitals had provided.

“That bad?” he asked. He hadn’t slept or showered since he arrived at the hospital and he had no intentions of leaving until Gilbert was awake.

“I hate to break it to ya, dude, but yeah, that bad,” Alfred said and he studied him for a moment. “You know, Gilbert told me about everything.” Ludwig’s eyes widened and his head snapped up.

“He… He did?” Ludwig said. 

“Yeah. It took him a while to open up, but he did. I was kind of surprised at first. I didn’t think you and him would be like myself and my boyfriend,” Alfred said. At Ludwig’s confused look, he added, “Arthur, my boyfriend, is my half-brother.”

“I see…” was all Ludwig could say in response. 

What was there to say, really? What could he say that others haven’t already? To be honest, he didn’t even know what to say. I’m sorry? No, definitely not. Alfred looked very happy to him. That’s…something? No, he couldn’t say that. That would imply that he thought he was superior, which he didn’t. If anything, Alfred’s statement made him feel even worse. He and Arthur - had he recalled his name right? – were proof that it could work between two brothers. Not all hope was lost….

Or was it? Gilbert seemed terrified of him before he ran off. Why was he afraid of Ludwig? Was it because of what he had said about moving out and finding another place to live? Was it because of that hellish week in which Gilbert locked himself away and Ludwig ignored the incident altogether? Would he ever know?

“Arthur’s older than me. Gilbert kind of reminds me of him,” Alfred broke his mental rambling.

“How so?” Ludwig asked, unable to stop himself.

“He was always trying to look out for me, always trying to protect me somehow even if what he was doing was only making things more difficult,” Alfred replied. “Gilbert thought that moving here was what he needed to do, to protect you, y’know. Because he’d rather take himself out of the equation than force you out of your own home.”

“But…I thought that leaving would be best…” Ludwig mumbled more to himself.

“Just because you leave doesn’t mean the problem goes away. It just gets worse until it turns into something that eats you alive,” Alfred said. “I think it’s safe to say that you two are both being eaten away here.”

“I…I wasn’t sure what to do,” Ludwig confessed and all but broke down beside this young man he had only just met. “I love my brother more than life itself. He’s always been there, he’s been my other half ever since before I could even remember. And when he kissed me…I just…I just…”

Tears began to fall, tears he had been holding back since that fateful night, since that fateful kiss, that had changed his life and Gilbert’s life. He didn’t try to stop them; he just allowed them to fall onto his black slacks while his hands clutched his knees tightly, turning his knuckles white.

“And then, we didn’t talk for a week. He locked himself in his room and I didn’t even bother to try and talk to him. I didn’t even spare him a glance. I treated him like a leper, like a disease, even though all it was was fear. Fear that what we were doing was wrong, fear for his soul, fear for mine, fear of what others might think,” Ludwig continued and Alfred listened, quietly, patiently. 

“Then, he was gone, vanished, into thin air, as though he had never truly existed, and I missed him. I missed him so much. My heart ached and I did all I could to try to find out what had happened to him. I thought he had been taken, murdered, or something. I thought…I thought I had lost him. And finally, when I found him, he ran and almost died. I didn’t…I didn’t want this…to happen. I just…wanted him back. More than anything else in the world, I want him with me again.”

Ludwig finished and sob, barely audible sobs wracked his frame. Alfred handed him a travel pack of tissues, which he took grateful. He wiped his eyes and blew his nose before he buried his face in his hands once again. Silence fell upon them and Ludwig tried his best to calm down, to stop the tears flowing, to stop the silent sobs and the soft hiccups that would escape him every now and then.

“Let me ask you something: all this time, has your love for Gilbert ever felt wrong to you?” Alfred broke the silence after a few minutes. Ludwig looked over at him, his hands still cradling his head.

“What?”

“Has your love for Gilbert ever felt wrong to you?” Alfred repeated. “It seems to me that you love Gilbert just the way that he loves you, but you still seem hesitant. So, does your love feel wrong?”

Ludwig turned from the younger blonde and thought about his question. Did his love for Gilbert seem wrong? Did Gilbert’s love for him seem wrong as well? While he knew it was wrong to love one’s own brother, did it feel wrong? Did a dreadful, shameful feeling creep over him whenever he thought of his brother and how much he cared for him? Did he feel dirty and disgusting and foul? As he thought on it, he realized that no, no, he didn’t feel any of those things. He never truly felt as though his love and Gilbert’s love was a dreadful, dirty, disgusting thing. Actually, the more he thought on it, the more he realized that it gave him a light, warm, and peaceful feeling. It made him feel as light as a feather and as though nothing could touch him.

But why was he just realizing it now? Was it because he had been blinded by the fact that his relationship with his brother would be deemed unholy and disgusting by others? Why should he even care about them? How would they even find out unless he or Gilbert told them? Whose business was it anyway? Suddenly, Ludwig felt as though he were seeing things from another light and he sat up and looked Alfred in the eye.

“No. No, it doesn’t. It never has,” Ludwig answered him. Alfred gave him a bright, happy smile.

“I didn’t think so,” Alfred said.

They fell into a comfortable silence. Ludwig was perfectly fine with that; he needed time to think, to straighten his thoughts out, to sort through them and figure out where he wanted to go, how he wanted to proceed. Now that he had found Gilbert, Ludwig knew that he wasn’t going to let him leave again. But, he needed to figure out what to do now. So much had happened in so little time, even though it felt like forever since he last saw his brother.

Ludwig just hoped that he wasn’t too late.

 

~…~

 

Gilbert woke up feeling as though he had been hit by a truck. His eye lids felt heavy and full of sandy. His body felt stiff and limp, as though he had been asleep for weeks. Blinking, he tried to raise his arms to rub his eyes, but found that they were too stiff, too heavy, which was weird. Really, really weird. He tried to sit up and found that his one leg wouldn’t move…

That was when his eyes shot wide open. Gilbert saw his right leg was in a cast. He was wondering what the hell had happened when he suddenly remembered: he had literally bumped into Ludwig while walking, which caused him to run and, not paying attention, he ran across the road and was hit by a car. He vaguely remembers a sharp pain hitting his right side and hitting the ground, but other than that…nothing.

He groaned and raised a hand to his head. Gilbert felt bandages and he knew that he probably looked like hell. Hell, he felt pretty shitty. His body felt battered and bruised and still stiff. How long had it been since he last moved? Actually, how long had he been out? And…and where was…

Looking over to the left, he saw Ludwig slumped in a chair, empty Styrofoam coffee cup on the floor, and a magazine lying half way open on his lap. He looked exhausted, as though he hadn’t properly slept in days, and he had a five o’clock shadow growing on his normally clean-shaven face. Gilbert thought his brother looked worse than he did. 

Turning back, Gilbert closed his eyes and swallowed, releasing a low groan. Had he not been a dumbass, his brother would be here. He knew, he just knew, that he had been worried out of his mind regardless of what has happened between them the past two months. 

“Gilbert?” Ludwig’s voice sounded rough, but it was like music to his hears. Gilbert felt his heart begin to beat in his chest. Even now, even after he had tried to stay away and fix things, he was still so very much in love with his younger brother.

“Hey,” Gilbert said, looking over at Ludwig. If he thought his brother sounded bad, he sounded even worse. Ludwig stood up and crossed the small space that separated them.

“I’m…so glad that you’re awake,” Ludwig said, crouching down beside his bed. His larger hand grasped Gilbert’s, careful of the IV sticking out of his wrist.

“I…I’m sorry, Gilbert,” Ludwig continued, his voice cracking. Gilbert looked down and squeezed his brother’s hand.

“Nein, Ludwig. I’m sorry. I…I so sorry for causing all of this mess,” Gilbert said and his gaze clouded with tears as he talked, though his voice never faltered, never stopped. “If I had been a better brother… If…if I had protected you like I should have, then none of this…none of this….” 

He couldn’t continue. His words had died along with his courage. Gilbert found it impossible to look at his brother. Even merely holding his hand made him feel so very unworthy. Ludwig was so strong, so handsome, everything Gilbert was not. None of this was his fault; it was all Gilbert’s. If he had managed to control his urges, if he had managed to suppress his love, then none of this would have happened at all. If-

Gilbert gasped when he felt Ludwig press a soft kiss to the back of his hand. He turned and stared, stunned, at his brother. A soft, small smile full of warmth was on his face and he was gazing at Gilbert as though he were seeing him for the first time. His heart stopped; Gilbert swore that his heart actually stopped. Never had he seen such a look on his brother’s face before and he was stunned. Was it…was it directed at him? Surely, that wasn’t the case! Not him…never him…

“Gilbert, don’t apologize. I am the one who is truly at fault. Had I not been so afraid of your love…of my love for you, you would not have left,” Ludwig turned serious. “But instead of trying to figure things out with you, I pushed you away and caused you to leave. And then, I almost caused you to die.”

“My life has been pure hell with you gone and I never want you to leave again. So please, my dear brother, don’t apologize. You’ve done nothing wrong,” Ludwig told him, his voice sure and strong. It shocked Gilbert and nearly left him speechless.

“You’re…you’re not just saying this…are you?” he asked. He had to. He had to make sure that Ludwig wasn’t saying these things out of guilt.   
“You’re not just telling me these things because…because I almost died…are you?”

Ludwig stood up and gazed into his red eyes. Without saying a word, he pressed his lips against Gilbert’s, who gasped at the sudden kiss. After a moment, he closed his eyes and returned the kiss hesitantly, feeling shy and cautious, yet also light as a feather and warm all over. He whined softly when Ludwig pulled away and pressed their foreheads together, the gesture so sweet and tender that Gilbert couldn’t help but smile softly at it.

“I’ve had plenty of time to realize my feelings for you, Gilbert,” Ludwig told him. “Almost losing you has only cleared my vision. I am positive that I am in love with you and that I am ready to accept your love as well. The only guilt I feel is for forcing you to leave. But now that I have you again, you’re not going anywhere.” He all but growled that last line and Gilbert felt his body reacting to it in more ways than one.

“My, my, baby bro, you’re starting to make me blush,” Gilbert teased him, though it was half-hearted. But, he finally felt like himself again and it had made Ludwig smile at him and press a kiss to his bandaged forehead.

“You already are, my dear brother,” he replied. 

Silence settled over their shoulders, but it was comfortable and relaxing. The only noise that could be heard in the room were the soft beeps and hums of the machines. Gilbert could feel Ludwig’s body heat radiate from in and it soaked into his own body, warming him from the inside out, filling him with a lightness he hadn’t felt in over two months (three, if he counted the moment when he figured out his feelings in the first place). 

“What do we do now?” Gilbert asked his brother. 

Ludwig’s hand came up and caressed his cheek. He pulled away slightly and looked into his eyes, his blue ones holding nothing but warm and love. It was a look Gilbert never thought he would see directed at him, yet it was. 

It was.

“First, we get the nurse and doctor to check on you. Then, we go home,” Ludwig said. “After that, we start this thing over right. How does that sound?” Gilbert gave him a smile, his expression soft and tender as he gazed at his brother.

“That sounds awesome,” he said and he and his brother both chuckled at the use of the word. He looked into Ludwig’s eyes, swallowed, and added, “I love you, Ludwig.” Ludwig leaned down and pressed another soft, chaste kiss to his lips.

“I love you too, Gilbert.”

 

~…~

 

“My God, you should have seen it, Gilbert! Roderick was so upset that his pastries were burnt that he damn near went on a rampage just like Godzilla,” Elizabeta told him as they sat on the couch. 

Gilbert had been back home for almost a month now, and although things had changed, it was as though he had never left. Elizabeta and Roderick were happy he was back; they had taken him and Ludwig out to dinner the week of his return. Francis and Antonio were also very happy to see him – and yes, he had been told all about how his brother had threatened Tony (Gilbert kind of thought it was funny, much to Tony’s chagrin). He was back working at his old job again as well, which he was very surprised that they had held it for him. Apparently, from what he had gathered around the office and from the little hints she had dropped, Elizabeta had coerced – threatened – upper management to hold his position for him for at least six months. That wasn’t something he would question; she was a beast with her skillet.

Things had been going well between him and Ludwig as well. They were taking things slow by Gilbert’s request. As much as he wanted to go in guns a blazing, he wanted to make sure that they did this right, just like Ludwig had said. He didn’t want his brother to feel pressured or anything and, if he were being completely honest, he wanted to make sure that Ludwig’s feelings were genuine. So far, whenever Gilbert started to doubt himself, Ludwig, them, his dear brother would squash those fears away and banish them. They hadn’t occurred often since his release from the hospital, but Ludwig always seemed to know when they were about to return.

Aside from that, life was pretty good. Everything was just the way it was before he had realized that he had fallen in love with his brother, but better. Ludwig and he still acted like brothers, but there was a love and intimacy there that no one could replace to take away from them. Their bond had only strengthened and grown because of this entire ordeal and he was grateful for it. Gilbert still kept in contact with Alfred and Arthur; in fact, the two of them were scheduled to come and visit for the weekend next month some time, which Gilbert was excited for. He wanted his old friends and his new friends to meet, then it really would be like having the best of both worlds.

All in all, life was very different from what it was about three months ago or so, but Gilbert wouldn’t change any of it, not now that he had Ludwig. Not ever.

“I’m going to make sure Ludwig hasn’t burnt something in the kitchen,” Roderick said, looking embarrassed and slightly flustered at Elizabeta’s story. “And also, I was perfectly justified in my reaction; those pastries were for my school’s bake sale and they were going to a good cause.” The music teacher promptly left the living room, still flustered and embarrassed.

“He’s so cute, isn’t he?” Elizabeta said fondly, smiling. Gilbert rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, I guess so. If you like nerdy music teachers or something. Thank God Lutz didn’t become a teacher like he had originally planned; those two would never stop talking about nerd stuff if that had happened,” he replied. Elizabeta smiled at him. Gilbert noticed her staring and asked, “What?”

“Oh, nothing. I’m just glad that you and Ludwig are working out well,” she said. “I told you before that if you needed support, that Roderick and I would give it to you both.”

“Yeah, yeah, I remember you saying that,” he said, a small, soft smile spreading across his face as he thought of his brother. He looked up at her and said, “You knew, didn’t you?”

“That you two were in love? Yes. It was quite romantic watching you two dance around each other, but also sad. Kind of like a Nicholas Sparks’ novel, only not so depressing,” Elizabeta gushed, her expression turning dreamy. Gilbert rolled his eyes. He would never understand why girls, or Elizabeta for that matter, were so into that kind of stuff. It wasn’t nearly as awesome as the real life stuff.

“Thank you,” he told her. She gave him another smile and leaned across to pat his hand.

“Don’t mention it. Also, don’t get mad at me when I corner Ludwig later on tonight and threaten him about hurting you ever again,” she said, her smile never wavering. Gilbert couldn’t help but laugh at that; even if he wanted to stop her from doing that, he knew he couldn’t. She was a force to be reckoned with.

“I won’t, I won’t. Just don’t beat him up too badly. I don’t like my boyfriend covered in unattractive bruises that take away from his awesomeness,” Gilbert replied.

The rest of the evening went well and Gilbert was having a great time as he, Ludwig, Elizabeta and Roderick enjoyed their dinner and caught up on what they had missed while he was away. Never once did any doubts arise; never once did he question things. It was him and Ludwig from here on out and that was all he would ever need.

 

 

~…~

 

Feliciano came home, dropped his bag onto the floor, took off his jacket and shoes, and made his way to the living room. There, he plopped onto the couch and gazed up at the ceiling. Things had not gone the way he had hoped they would. 

For about a year now, Feliciano has been thinking that he and Ludwig would make a great couple. Ludwig was smart, tall, strong, and really very nice. He helped Feliciano when he needed it and their personalities mixed well. They had been friends for a long time and they knew each other so well that it made sense to him that they would work out as a couple.

But, somewhere along the line, Ludwig had found someone else, someone that made him happy, that brought a smile to his face, that made his heart swell with love and light, and Feliciano had been too blind and careless to notice it. And now, after asking Ludwig out as he had done earlier that day, he realized that he hadn’t had a snowball’s chance in hell. Somewhere along the line, his best friend had found someone that he loved more than anyone else, someone he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, and Feliciano had missed his chance.

While he did feel happy for Ludwig – and he did; his friends deserved to be happy – Feliciano wouldn’t deny that he felt sad. He did feel sad; he felt very, very sad. After all, he was so sure, so positive, that he had read the signs right, that his feelings had been returned. But now, after today, it was like losing…him…all over again. Only this was much, much worse. Ludwig hadn’t gone off to fight a war and he hadn’t died because of it; he had merely fallen in love with another.

Still…

Footsteps coming down the stairs told him that Romano, his older brother, was home. Feliciano, as much as he loved his brother, didn’t want to see him right now. He didn’t want to hear Romano call him a dumbass and say mean things about Ludwig or himself, even if he was just being his usual honest self. 

“Hey, brother! Do you know what happened to my-“ Romano stopped the moment he stepped foot into the living room. 

His eyes saw Feliciano, face downcast and eyes full of tears, and he stopped talking. Sighing, he ran a hand through his hair and looked away, his expression one of discomfort. This wasn’t what Feliciano had expected, but he supposed that it made sense. His brother had always had a hard time expressing how he really felt; it was part of what made them so very different.

“You asked the Potato Bastard out, didn’t you?” Romano asked, his voice soft and normal-sounding, unlike his usual loud banter.

“Uh huh,” was all Feliciano could manage. He wiped his eyes with his hands and then wiped his hands on his pants.

“He said no, didn’t he?” Romano said.

“Y-Yeah,” Feliciano replied. Romano sighed again.

“You need to stop this. You can’t ask out every guy you see that looks like him,” Romano said, his words harsh but his voice not unkind. “Roman’s dead and he’s not coming back, but he wouldn’t want you doing this to yourself every single time. Find someone new. Just…just give your heart some time.”

Feliciano looked up at his brother, his eyes wide. Romano looked embarrassed, his cheeks flushed and a hand scratching the back of his head, but he looked sincere and Feli knew his brother was telling him the truth, regardless of if it wasn’t what he wanted to hear or not. It was what he needed to hear and that was the difference. Because he was right: Roman was dead and Feliciano had been chasing after every guy that resembled him. It was too the point now that he had asked Ludwig out and now…

Now, looking at it, was it even Ludwig he cared so deeply for or Roman? Well, Feliciano already knew the answer to that: Roman had been his true love, but he had died so quickly, so young, and he had left a hole in Feliciano’s heart that had yet to be mended. Romano was right: his heart needed time, he needed time, and throwing himself at every Tom, Dick, and Larry wasn’t going to help him at all.

“You…you seem to have experience with this,” Feliciano said, drying his eyes with his hands and giving his brother a small, strained smile. Romano huffed; he was obviously embarrassed now. Heart-to-hearts weren’t his thing. 

“Yeah, well…I’ve had practice, I guess,” Romano said with a shrug. Feliciano knew who he was talking about: Antonio. But he didn’t mention his name. It was still a touchy subject for his brother, even after all this time.

“Thank you, Romano. I needed that,” Feliciano said and he stood up. Before Romano could react, he hugged his brother, needing, just for a moment, that physical reassurance. Romano stiffened at the contact at first, but eventually relaxed and return his embrace.

“You’re my little brother. You may be annoying as hell, but I still…I still…” Romano couldn’t get the words out, but Feliciano knew what he was trying to say. He smiled and pulled away to give his brother another sad smile.

“I love you, too, Romano,” he said.

It may not have been much, but this conversation was exactly what Feliciano needed. Things would work themselves out in the end; he knew that they would. He just needed to take Romano’s advice and give it some time.

 

~…~

The End

~…~


End file.
